I get a fair bit of mail in my flittersniffer inbox - not, as you might think, so much in the way of reader emails - you know, enlisting my help to track down a discontinued perfume or something that might serve as a decent substitute. There was the out-of-the-blue request from Kirsten that time to help her with her l'Artisan rebranding project, but that was a one-off. Then I suppose I do receive a fair few press releases for upcoming perfume and beauty product launches, but the single main category of mail I get at the moment is from SEO companies offering to help "fix" my blog (for a fee, obviously).
Now I am aware of the sorts of measures I should be taking to optimise my Google page rank in the Interwebs and to attract readers to Bonkers: things like regularly updated - and popular - content, and engaging with the reader through polls and giveaways. It is also advised to shoehorn as many key search words into the title of your post, and to make a point of repeating the name of the item you are blogging about - a perfume, typically - as often as is humanly possible in the body of your post without being so heavy-handed as to draw the reader's attention to the fact. Oh, and not forgetting the addition of a liberal smattering of labels/tags, embedded links to your archived posts, and sharing galore on social media.
|Maybe I just need to give up wheat, like Gwyneth?|
So, yes, I know this is what you are meant to do to to make your blog more successful, and I do definitely nod in the direction of some of it, however in the grand scheme of things I am only paying lip service at best. This is partly due to inertia and laziness, and partly because some of the more artificial tactics - like repeating the name of the topic a lot or having titles that are totally on-message - don't sit well with the the "house style" of Bonkers, which leans to the whimsical and the random.
But these SEO companies are not to know that - they are reaching out (how I hate that phrase!) to a blog they see as floundering, with the promise that they can sort out the half-cocked mess that my behind-the-scenes - and behind the curve! - content has become.
So I thought I would share with you some of the recent highlights from my mailbox! I didn't understand a lot of them, but they were uniformly amusing.
First off, a gentle warning from a company in the US:
"In the present day scenario it’s very essential to take a proper care of your website and keep it updated with fresh and original contents. One single unwanted link might put your website in disaster situation."
This from a company in India:
"I would like to update you that your website is still not ranked on the top pages of Google SERPs for your popular keywords (Products). Your loss is your competitor’s gain i.e. the traffic which could have generated quality sales for you goes to your competitors as they rank well in the Search Engine Result Pages (SERPs) organically."
Sales? SERPS? Isn't that something to do with pensions? The company goes on to explain:
"If you are getting rigid by paying a huge amount in PPC, then Organic listing by using white hat technique will be definitely a right choice for you. As the rate of conversion is more in organic listing as compared to PPC, eventually it will be an absolute gain for you."
Rigid? Stiff as a board, me! Though that's more from not having done pilates for a year and a half. And white hat technique? I am reassured to hear it. I was so interested in fact that I took a look at this company's website, where I learnt that they also specialise in
"I know I am not the only company who is providing this service, but I can bet that the quality and genuine service you will get no other company won’t provide you."
We are very strong at all kinds of comb,curry comb,hoof pick,sweat scraper,horse brush,feed scoop,forks,boot jack as well as horse grooming kit and so on.
Photo of Google from flickr.com, album cover from tumblr.com, cartoon of panda and penguin from siliconbeachtraining.co.uk, photo of sweat scraper from ipsadirect.ie