Fairy bread and Cosmopolitans: An (Ubar-fabulous) evening with Portia Turbo at Perfume Lovers London (28.1.16)

This Thursday marked the eighth anniversary of my falling down the rabbit hole, ironically by idly googling a few perfumes a friend wore that I didn't like, and observing that they had a number of notes in common. One google led to another...eventually to fragrance wheels and pyramids and samples, from where it was a short bunny hop to full blown mania, an international network of perfumista friends, and a collection of 70 bottles and counting. Hopefully counting down, but last week's eBay coup isn't exactly heading in the right direction. Anyway, it seems fitting that I marked the occasion by popping down to London to attend the much awaited Perfume Lovers London meet up, featuring flamboyant Aussie drag queen, Portia Turbo of Australian Perfume Junkies. She has unfortunately had to 'go down a -Gear' following a nonsensical Facebook ruling on using real names, but Portia Turbo is still a pretty wicked name.

The obligatory outfit crisis

As you may recall, I invariably have an outfit crisis before any kind of important event, and this PLL meet up was no exception. In the end I gave up on reconciling my twin aims of smartness and warmth, and went for smartness. However, this was undermined somewhat by the stomach I had developed in the past week after consuming an entire bucket of Maltesers, which was unfortunately showcased by my aptly named 'dinner trousers'. Or 'after dinner choc binge trousers' to give them their full name. I only noticed this problem protuberance when I saw the photos of me from the night, and in hindsight would have been better off with something a bit more floaty and forgiving.

Me and Portia - lost a tum and gained Angela Merkel!

Forgotten things

And it is also traditional for me to forget something on such occasions: this time it was my watch, an umbrella, money, and one of the five coupons which collectively comprised my train ticket - I must have failed to scoop it up from the vending machine. As luck would have it, the next customer retrieved the coupon, handed it to a member of staff, who gave it to the conductor of the train I was on, who proceeded to walk through all the carriages looking for its owner, which could be ascertained by marrying up the serial numbers with my other coupons. What a fine example of proactive customer service that I didn't even know I needed! Or not until I attempted to travel home and found my ticket was invalid without that missing coupon...

The welcome committee

I was met at Euston (the novelty! the Brief Encountery-ness of it all!) by Val the Cookie Queen of APJ and Rachael Potts, both examples of that remarkable Venn diagram intersection of fumehead and fellow Monochrome Set fans. Rachael - whom I was meeting for the first time - immediately endeared herself to me by saying that I had a 'grown up voice' and was 'enigmatic'. (This may have meant in practice that I was unable to give any advance platform information, or even let her know where my train was coming from.) The three of us quickly hooked up with Tara of A Bottled Rose, Val's husband Chris, Val's travelling therapist, Dr Fox, and Lady Jane Grey, who had just flown in from a business meeting near Geneva! Some of us went to grab an impromptu bite near the venue, before joining the rest of our (predominantly German speaking ;) ) party at the venue. This was accessed by a very steep flight of stairs, which you would not wish to negotiate in either direction if you were a few Cosmopolitans to the wind.

Val, looking lively in leopardskin

Quirky and top notch scram

Yes, before moving on to an account of the event proper, the refreshments deserve a word of special commendation. I don't recall the full spread, but I did clock unwrapped Penguins, the Aussie delicacy known as Fairy Bread (dainty triangles of bread and butter sprinkled with hundreds and thousands - or 'sprinkles' for any US readers who don't mind a spot of repetition), some kind of twizzly extruded snacks and the biggest cashew nuts I have ever seen. If I hadn't just eaten a sizzling bowl of bibimbap I would have made light work of those, I can tell you. And even though the jug of ready mixed Cosmopolitans had been drunk by the time I investigated the options, I was impressed by the fact that this 'fun, fruity cocktail', beloved of the characters in Sex and The City had been on offer. It set the tone for Portia's fun, fruity talk no less!

We didn't have the teal variety! Source: Wikipedia

Portia's outfit - worth the ticket price in itself

I am not sure there is such an expression as 'a destination outfit' as there is a 'destination wedding' - you know, where the bride and groom fly to the Caribbean and combine the ceremony and honeymoon under one petal-strewn poolside pergola - but I would pay good money just to go and see Portia in all her glamorous finery. The coruscating talk was a bonus. So, starting at the bottom, Portia was shod in clear perspex peep-toe shoes with tottering 'f*** me' heels, to the terrifying vertiginousness of which her stretchy ankle bandage may have been testament. Next came a pair of very pale flesh coloured tights on her shapely legs, topped by a baby doll nightie in some suitably - or unsuitably depending on your stance on such things - diaphanous material, which made an interesting counterpoint with Portia's newly grown hipster beard. Well, new since I saw her last, which is a while ago (see outfit crisis link above!). And then came the crowning glory - Portia's headpiece, which I can best describe as a sparkly golden whelk. It was truly magnificent and looked quite heavy, but she is a real trouper, I sense, and has doubtless been weighed down by even more elaborate headgear in her time.

Scent of a (clatter of remarkable) women from down the ages

So finally, on to the event itself, which kicked off about 7.15pm 'We are starting a bit late', quipped Portia, 'because some of you can't afford watches!' (Can't afford - or can't remember to bring them, I thought to myself.) The session was relaxed, interactive, completely hilarious and occasionally blue or sweary in places. A winning combination of ingredients in my book.

Kirk, Val, Chris and Pia

Now I know that Tara will be reporting on the night for APJ itself, and she is noted for being as meticulous as a court reporter in her note taking. Consequently, I shall not attempt to present a full account of Portia's talk, for my own scribbly jottings would fall woefully short. Instead, I will endeavour to give a flavour of the content, which centred around a list of twelve formidable female figures from history - mostly, but not all benign, it should be said - whom Portia had matched with a scent which she felt summed up their character / persona. Blotters of the fragrances in question were distributed amongst us so we could all experience Portia's suggestion. The audience meanwhile had been randomly assigned fabric strips with the names of one of the women featured, and were asked to think what we would associate that person with ourselves. Googling was permitted, should anyone be a bit nonplussed by the name they had been allocated!

So without further preamble - though you knew there would have to be some, this being Bonkers ;) - here is a quick romp through a selection of the featured women from history, their assigned scents, and any comments from the audience. I should point out that the titbits I have homed in on in the 'Famous for' category by no means give an exhaustive picture of that individual's lifetime achievements, hehe.

CLEOPATRA

Famous for: Marrying her brother and creating the Syrian army - 'which was just as f***ed then as it is now'. Cleopatra apparently had a good body, but a 'face like a foot'. She painted her skin with lead to make her face whiter, and drank a pearl dissolved in vinegar in a bet with Mark Antony. (My notes were a bit shaky at this point, but Googling is permitted, as I say.)

Ubar by Amouage

NB (I chose this as my sample to take home at the end of the night, because I know it is a particular favourite of Undina's, and thought that after my recent rapprochement with Salome, I was ready to give this 'big hitter' perfume another go).

Audience suggestions: White Diamonds, Poison, Onda Extrait (no prizes for guessing who that was!), and good old plain ass's milk. Or even asses' milk, as it would take a couple to fill a bath.

Source: Pinterest

SAINT JOAN OF ARC

Famous for: Leading the French to victory against England in the Hundred Years' War and being burnt at the stake. ;(

Celtic Fire by Union(!)

Audience suggestions: I didn't say so, but Brulure de Rose flitted into my mind - and promptly out again! I think it was in connection with poor Joan that Lila came up with Jovoy Paris's La Liturgie des Heures, because of its being an incense scent. There was much ribald discussion of the existence of the Marmite accord that is meant to be in Celtic Fire, but Grant Osborne has seen it in the vial, so that settled the matter.

Source: Wikipedia

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

Famous for: Being a nurse in the Crimean War and having the idea of sanitising hospital wards and washing patients' clothes.

Sharp by Andrea  Maack

NB (My review of Sharp may be found here. I liked it best out of Andrea Maack's range, not least because it had no discernible metal note, though arguably that would not have been out of place in a scent associated with field hospitals.) Sharp reminded Portia of SL Laine de Fer, and some loft? insulation material the name of which I didn't catch, but which sounded humorous.

Audience suggestions: Dettol(!), Estee Lauder White Linen, and something else I have failed to write down.

Source: Roullier White

TZ'U HSI

Famous for: Being the Chinese Emperor's concubine, Dowager Empress and Regent of China, and having unfeasibly long nails, which knock the entire cast of TOWIE's talons into a cocked hat. Tz'u Hsi also oversaw the establishment of schools, the reorganisation of the army - and the suppression of opium cultivation.

YSL Opium (vintage) - haha!

Audience suggestions/comments: Rachael mentioned that she once got off her head sniffing Opium in the 1970s during a bout of flu. 'While we were all snorting poppers!' joked Portia. Given the age Portia would have been in the '70s it is sincerely to be hoped not. ;)

KATHARINE HEPBURN (note spelling - I speak as a 'not quite fellow' Kathryn)

Famous for: A stellar Hollywood career spanning 60 years, and legendary cheekbones. Portia said: 'I ate my way out of that look, but I like to think I have some of her poise'. Based on how well Portia was managing in those killer heels, despite a dodgy ankle, I would say a resounding yes to that.

JHAG Gentlewoman

Portia joked: 'A lot of perfumistas need to be challenged every time they breathe in, but I just need to smell good!' I liked this soapy yet crisp orange-y cologne myself and would say 'Amen' to that sentiment!

Audience suggestions: FM Le Parfum de Therese (ie something a bit more spiky and angular, I infer - more African Queen, if you will), Jicky, Dior Eau Sauvage ('Ooh yes,' exclaimed Portia, 'she would have bathed in the s***!'), Miss Dior and Chanel No 5.

Source: triviatribute.com

And finally, I would like to include this one, because of my personal connection to the scent Portia chose for her...

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Famous for: Her magnetic violet eyes, continually marrying and unmarrying Richard Burton, and being in a ton of iconic films, including Cleopatra (see above!). Her face is considerably more beautiful than a foot, it must be said.

Rochas Byzance

NB This was the perfume I associate with my mother because of her not wearing it, and which gave rise to this elegaic post about her, which some readers may remember, and which is the piece of writing anywhere on Bonkers which means the most to me. I describe Byzance in my review as 'A retro soapfest clouded in mystery'.

Audience suggestions: Tara came up with FM Lipstick Rose, which spookily enough was the exact same scent that popped into my mind, on account of its cosmetic boudoir vibe and violet connection!

Portia having a swishy skirt moment.

So yes, these are only half the people featured. I was assigned Oprah Winfrey, for example, and 'channelled' Michael Kors as my suggestion, which is weird as I am not sure I have even smelt it - that's why I say 'channelled', because it came to me just like that! Portia, meanwhile, picked YSL M7 for her. And higher up the post I may of course be seen posing with Angela Merkel, who was teamed with a Byredo scent. Oh, and I would just like to mention that I had heard of the oceanographer and explorer Sylvia Earle, but only because there was a programme on her on Radio 4 the other week.

Portia, Val, Tara and Sabine (of Iridescents)

Then after the talk there was the usual high octane milling around and having lightning conversations with fellow fumeheads - much like speed dating, indeed, but without the dating part.

Rachael and me

This was a good opportunity to hand over a pair of wrist warmers I had knitted as a commission for Val, and there was also the usual exchanging of little goody bags. Oh, and of course I had to take away one of Val's brownies. Eating it on the train home was (not for the first time, indeed) a way of proving to myself that that night of unalloyed fabulousness, razzle-dazzle, and all round not-quite-family entertainment really happened. Yep, Portia, you are still a caution and a hoot and a half, and long may you continue to be so!

Brownie plus coupons reunited!

Anything but bland: Neil Chapman's in-person 'podcast' on vanilla scents for Perfume Lovers London (27.3.14)

Atelier Cologne Vanille Insensée on the right, looking barely tetchy from this angle

It's a long time since I last made it down to London for a Perfume Lovers London event, but this particular one held an irresistible lure - a presentation on fragrances showcasing my hands-down favourite perfumery note of vanilla.  The talk was given by the consummately articulate Neil Chapman, whom I keep wanting to call Neil Gaiman for some reason, even though manga comics might be the only possibly crossover. The correct Neil is a Japan-based perfumista who recently won a Jasmine award for his feature on 'Perfume Haters' in Odou magazine, while Neil's blog, The Black Narcissus, delights readers with his quiveringly beautiful perfume reviews and delicately drawn descriptions of local flora and mores.  (I never thought I'd ever have cause to put those two words in the same sentence.)  In person he is quirky and quick-witted, with a paradoxically languid yet rapid style of speaking.  He is also taller, with a more commanding presence than I expected from his avatar.

Thomas, who joined us for the meal part

Before the event, a group of us foregathered at a nearby restaurant, which I think was 'modern Indian', a concept almost unknown to me in The Midlands, with its vast swathes of flock-wallpapered Balti houses.  I confided in Birgit that I could have eaten 'a scabby donkey', a phrase for which it appears that Austrians mercifully have no equivalent.  I demolished some kind of chicken curry, and afterwards applied to Birgit for a palate-cleansing mint, confident from her recent handbag contents post that she would have ample supplies of Tic Tacs to pass around.  Not so! Birgit had run out of mints!  Which just goes to show that you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet.

Tara and Lady Jane Grey

On to the talk proper, at which point I would commend Tara's recent post over on Olfactoria's Travels to you as well, as she is noted for her comprehensive reporting.  I expect there will be a fair amount of crossover between my account and hers, but two people armed with small notebooks and sitting feet apart may still record slightly different details about the same event.  (NB A certain amount of orthographic liberty has been taken with sub-headings.)

Neil's formative fumie years

Neil kicked off his presentation by explaining how he was drawn into the world of fragrance at a young age. In case there are still charges outstanding, I shall draw a veil over an early rose-thieving incident and cut straight to the random selection of items in which the young Neil detected vanilla: Sure deodorant, Lypsyl lip salve and Tic Tacs.  Aha - clearly I was asking the wrong person for mints!  He went on to experience a vanilla pod-in-pudding epiphany in his early teens, and by 17 he was wearing Calvin Klein Obsession Men and was generally 'obsessed' with body products from that line.

Source: fragrantica.com

Another turning point in Neil's perfume j***ney was his encounter with Shalimar (the potential androgyny of which was amply demonstrated by his friend Peter at university). He also developed a liking for Kenzo Jungle L'Eléphant, undeterred by its sickly sweet character and (to my nose) general weirdness. He even gave it a nickname of 'Nellie the Elephant', and readily admitted to a penchant for 'sick bag vanillas'. If this revelation made anyone in the audience a little apprehensive about the selection of scents to come, they hid it well.

Farmacia SS Annunziata dal 1561 ~ Vaniglia del Madagascar (Granula vanilla)

You really have to be a dedicated lover of perfume to pursue a scent that frankly involves such a lot of careful typing.  I initially transposed my 'z' and 'c' for one, and completely forgot the SS, which strangely  has nothing to do with steamships, but there you go.  I just found one of those acronym lists and am leaning towards the Italian for 'His Holiness' maybe ('Sua Santità) , as this perfume house has monastic roots. On balance, pobably not 'Steven Spielberg', 'safe sex' or the 'Scoville Scale' of hotness for chilli - though I am intrigued to learn there is one.

Source: roullierwhite.com

But I digress...Neil said this scent reminded him of Japanese hot springs on account of its mineral quality and fresh atmosphere.  The vanilla didn't make an instant impact, but crept up in a 'stealthy' way as the scent unfolded on skin.  Neil asserted that he could wear Vaniglia del Madagascar 'surreptitiously' even at its parfum strength, and spoke wistfully of the halo of scent it leaves even the next morning. More on the need to wear perfume 'surreptitiously' as a general M.O. in Japan later...  An audience member piped up and likened this one to 'sugared almonds'.  I said it had a 'granular' quality, adding 'granular gravitas' - pretentious, moi? ;)

Source: fest300.com

Agonist ~ Vanilla Marble ('Pina colada' vanilla)

Neil dubbed this a 'Play-doh cathedral', and while I can't immediately see the link, I have also jotted down 'evocative of miserable Scandinavian themes' (Ibsen, The Bridge, plus every other dark Scandiwegian drama on the telly at the moment featuring good jumpers).  Vanilla Marble includes notes of vetiver, patchouli, fig and coconut, with a slight cool, clay-like facet, as well as being reminiscent of 'Bacardi hairspray'.  Neil envisioned a stylish woman striding forth in a billowing white dress wearing this one, bats wheeling about her head.  It was generally agreed that Vanilla Marble lacked gravitas - and arguably also marbles.

How does vanilla make babies?

There then followed a fascinating section of Neil's talk where he explained how he and long term partner Duncan had been planning to visit a vanilla plantation in Madagascar (home to the most pukka pod processing practices), but were rather biblically driven back by locusts and ended up in Java (home to more 'fly by night', corner-cutting plantations, but they picked a good 'un).  In Java, Neil and Duncan immersed themselves in the production of vanilla, which proved to be a deeply affecting experience for the pair. They literally lived, breathed, slept and sniffed vanilla beans 24/7.

Source: vanillareview.com

Interesting nuggets that Neil shared with us about the life cycle of the vanilla plant are the fact that its flower hangs on the vine for 9 months (like humans! - well, I use the term 'vine' loosely).  Then the flowers are only open for one day(!), and can only be fertilised by a man wielding a bamboo stick, owing to the demise of a particular Mexican bee that used to do the honours.  Oh, and the pods take 5-6 months to be cured.  Neil passed round some different varieties of vanilla pod for us to examine and smell: from Madagascar, Uganda etc.  My main thoughts were how exceedingly long they were, and how odd their scent was - like some kind of boozy dried fruit. Perhaps Serge Lutens is in fact a closet pod sniffer to have come up with Arabie and the like.

'You're telling me vanilla comes from this?' Source: Lila Das Gupta

CB I hate perfume ~ 7 Billion Hearts (IKEA vanilla)

This scent contains both Ugandan and Tahitian absolutes, but still managed to smell synthetic like gluey plastic, flat pack furniture, floor polish and cough syrup.  Neil dubbed it 'the pod and the plank'. Notwithstanding the alliteration and plosive energy of this pithy phrase, it didn't endear 7 Billion Hearts to me further.  Lila felt this one was 'unfinished', which ties in neatly with the flat pack furniture angle, which in my house would remain unfinished and in its many baffling component bits till further notice.  Liam of Personal Odour / Odou was reminded of the living museum in our native country of Northern Ireland - the Ulster American Folk Park.  I have been gone so long that I know it as the Ulster Folk Museum, but it is the same place and I do remember it. Another audience remember likened 7 Billion Hearts to the aromas given off by the wood in the indoor space of the Globe theatre.  Despite a passing interest in culture, this heart is not one of the 7 billion to have been seduced by this scent.

Annick Goutal ~ Songes (Interlopa vanilla)

Next up was Annick Goutal's dreamy feminine fragrance, Songes, which features some heavy-hitting heady florals, namely frangipani, ylang-ylang, tuberose and jasmine.  Neil assured us that it had vanilla absolute in the base, which comes out more as the scent wore on, but it did feel like an unusual choice in a vanilla-forward line up.  That said, I was glad to be reacquainted with Songes, which I had dismissed early in my own perfume j***ney as headache-inducing, and it was a toss up between this and Vaniglia del Madagascar (of which I did end up getting a sample at the end of the night) as my favourites of the evening.

Mona di Orio ~ Vanille (Long John Silva vanilla)

Neil memorably described this as 'vanilla for pirates', adding (most amusingly) that it gets off to a 'nervous start'.  Vanille has a smoky quality, and includes notes of pepper, incense, ylang-ylang, sandalwood and rum. Neil considered it 'too macho' for himself, but admired it nonetheless.  Birgit chimed in to say that she had worn this to calm her nerves during a wrist operation.

Birgit and Tara

At this juncture in the evening, we got to debating the character of vanilla generally, and what feelings and sensations it evokes.  The word 'vanilla' has latterly been debased to mean 'bland or boring' (as referenced in the title of this post), but the consensus of the group was that vanilla perfumes are at once calming and comforting as well as erotic - 'increasing tumescence in certain regions', as Neil added coyly.  Vanilla is mildly addictive and stimulates the production of adrenaline. On the downside, the Japanese hate the smell apparently, which is a bit of a blow considering that Japan is Neil's adopted home.  'The Japanese believe you should be self-effacing at all times and respect other people - be aware of their personal space and not stink up the environment.'  Neil is not supposed to wear perfume in the school where he teaches, so gleefully overdoses on the stuff at weekends instead, terrorising people on trains.

Neil's doubtless very proud mother

Van Cleef & Arpels Collection Extraordinaire ~ Orchidée Vanille (Willy Wonka tonka vanilla)

Neil drew our attention to the fruit sherbet in the top of Orchidée Vanille, and went on to liken it to 'Saturday night 90s orientals', presumably on account of its slightly bombastic quality.  It features rose and violet, almond and chocolate, and Neil assured us that the vanilla in this one gets better and better as time goes on.  I did like it a lot, I must say, and Orchidée Vanille was the sample Tara chose to take home.

Lila Das Gupta, organiser of Perfume Lovers London

Atelier Cologne ~ Vanille Insensée (Obscura vanilla)

Atelier's take on vanilla has tangerine and lime in the top notes, and Neil described it further as oaky, 'quite masculine', 'shadowy and enigmatic' with a 'dark woozy edge' to it.  He is personally not a fan of woody notes, so wouldn't wear this one either.  Neil agreed with the audience that Vanille Insensée wasn't noticeably angry, dubbing it 'passive aggressive vanilla', my favourite quote of the night.  That phrase reminded me of a recent conversation with my financial advisor, in which she chided me for having a bunch of high risk investments whose performance I had failed to monitor for years.  'Does that make me a passive aggressive investor?' I inquired. Apparently so.

Guerlain ~ Spiritueuse Double Vanille (Popula vanilla)

One of the most popular scents passed around on the night, Guerlain's Spiritueuse Double Vanille, includes notes of brandy, cherry, ylang-ylang and pipe tobacco.  'It smells like humming birds', remarked Neil in a sudden access of synesthesia.  It was a bit too boozy for me, and a bit too expensive for Neil, costing the equivalent of a Very Material £280 in Japan.

Holy Grail vanilla?

Indult ~ Tihota (Linea vanilla)

I had recently had occasion to sniff this one, thanks to Val the Cookie Queen of APJ. I was curious to try it following a glowing review by Sandra on Olfactoria's Travels, but though it read on my skin as 'high quality foody vanilla' it was ultimately unsatisfying and rather one-dimensional.  I sense I may have been anosmic to the musk which Sandra enjoys in this one.  And what this fascinating evening confirmed is that I like my vanillas to have a twist of some sort, like my beloved Diptyque Eau Duelle, for example.

In wrapping up, we discussed Neil's proclivity for sweet vanillas and somebody - it may even have been me, but I don't recall! - asked if there were any vanilla scents he would consider too sweet.  He mentioned one by Laura Mercier called Vanille Gourmande, which I have not come across but am curious to try now to gauge how much is too much. Neil also doesn't care for the category he dubbed 'oyster vanillas', such as Vanille Galante by Hermès, which is too salty for his liking.  After this point, my notes start to deteriorate, and I am not going to begin to speculate what the connection between  Gorilla Perfumes' Furze scent and 'flatulence' might have been.

Neil appearing to take the hand of Lady Jane Grey

So yes, a great night in which we learnt about - and sniffed - a lot of vanilla perfumes, a number of which were new to me.  Many thanks as ever to Lila Das Gupta of Perfume Lovers London and Grant Osborne of Basenotes for organising the night, and to Neil for coming all this way to wow us with his vanilla lore and alien pods.  On a personal level, it was fantastic to meet old fumie friends again like Birgit, Tara and Thomas, and meet new ones such as Neil and Duncan, Lady Jane Grey, Sabine of Iridescents and Olivia.

After the talk, a hardcore group went down the pub, while I left with Lila, who had kindly offered to put me up, as I hadn't been able to find a hotel that night.  The next morning, we had a bit of a sniff-in - or a session of 'Continuing Professional Development', as my teacher friend Nicola amusingly spun it, when I explained that Lila had much the more experienced nose of the two of us.

Lila's inquisitive cat

Lila has a perfume cupboard of Narnian proportions and properties, and amongst the many scents she invited me to try - and that I also fell for - was Coromandel, my patchouli and spice nemesis from some years back. I have clearly flittered full circle on that one, and pigs evidently do fly.

Lila had business in town later that morning, so we hopped on the tube and she peeled off at Hammersmith, while I headed on to Belgravia.  After a quick scope of Les Senteurs, Tara, Birgit and I repaired for a hearty brunch of Eggs Benedict - in the absence of Croque-Madame, that is - our preferred choice, which was mysteriously off the menu.  They must have had a run on Madames or something.

I was still able to make room for my macaron initiation which followed swiftly afterwards at Ladurée round the back of Harrods.  Lila joined us at this point and kindly presided over the ceremony, ensuring that a representative selection of patisseries was ordered, and all flavour bases covered, except for coffee and licorice, which I don't like.

Well, well...there's me thinking that macarons (to which I have a strong urge to add an extra 'o') are just meringues.  Reader, they are so not just meringues.  The rose petal one in particular was sensational ...creamy and chewy and fragrant rose jelly-ish all at the same time.  If you too have yet to lose your macaron cherry, do head to the nearest branch of Ladurée at your earliest convenience, or take advantage of their admittedly very expensive mail order service.  You will thank me!

After tea, while the others went into Harrods to recce the Hermès scarves (at whose instigation I couldn't possibly imagine!) - as well as generally checking out the latest offerings in the perfume hall - I sadly had to cut and run.  This was partly because I was encumbered with luggage, but also because I had one final mission to fulfill - picking up some artefacts from The Old Vic theatre which my friend Clare Chick had won in an auction: to wit a lantern and decanter used in a production of Richard II and lovingly fingered by Kevin Spacey (or such was her fond hope), and a rather smelly and battered lamp used in a production of Aladdin, and handled by Sir Ian McKellen.  Clare was hoping there would be enough DNS traces of Spacey (thanks, Tara, for that one!) to grow a complete new Kevin, but I've lugged all the stuff back now and she has yet to introduce me to him.

Perfume Lovers London Meet-Up: “Olfactoria, Queen Of Amber” And An Evening Edged In…A Translucent Golden Colour

THE SOCIABLE PREAMBLE

The third Thursday of the month had come round again, and with it another Perfume Lovers London meet-up held in one of the grand yet surprisingly cosy function rooms at The New Cavendish Club. May’s speaker was none other than the popular, poised and perfectly polished Olfactoria of Olfactorias Travels, one of the fastest growing perfume blogs out there, which has taken the blogosphere by storm since its launch a mere 18 months ago. I have been fortunate enough to meet Olfactoria (aka Birgit) twice in the last year in her native Austria, in temperatures which ranged from 35 C to -2 C. On Thursday it was about 12 C I think, so just the low side of splitting the difference. : - )

Birgit’s talk was scheduled to start at 7pm, but a handful of us foregathered at Les Senteurs at 4pm to catch up on news and sniff some new fragrances Nick, the store manager, had “prepared earlier”. We perched on the very sofa on which Pierre Guillaume had sat after his own talk in London in February. Then, when it emerged that Birgit had a room at the New Cavendish Club, where Pierre Guillaume had also stayed on that occasion, I couldn’t resist teasing her about the tantalising possibility that she may in fact have been occupying the same room as him!

At about 5.30pm, Birgit headed off to the club to get ready, while the rest of our party – me, Tara, the Candy Perfume Boy and Nigel – repaired to a local Lebanese restaurant for some fairly fast food in the form of falafel. The keen-eyed reader may have noticed that when I went for a quick snack with Katie Puckrik before the Perfume Lovers event in March, we also went to a Lebanese restaurant. Not the same one, granted, but that stretch of the Edgware Road happens to be very falafel-forward in terms of its eateries, which is fine by me.

Tara and I marvelled at the size of the bowl of chips we had ordered with our pitta bread sandwiches, and we all marvelled at the pickled celeriac in a startling shade of magenta. Neon brights may be on trend at the moment, but I really don’t want that degree of dazzle in my salad garnish.

THE TALK PROPER

Olfactoria’s background

Olfactoria kicked off her talk by introducing herself. She is a psychotherapist by profession (“as in customary in Vienna” ; - ) ), but is “resting” at the moment (my word!). On the couch, presumably, as is also customary in her line of work... Actually, “resting” is a relative term, for with two small children aged 5 and 2, Olfactoria hasn’t seen her bed much beyond 5.20am in the last five years.

Descent into the rabbit hole

Birgit went on to explain – in her wonderfully deadpan delivery - that she had prepped for this talk by watching the entire two seasons of Downton Abbey, which sent ripples of laughter through the audience. We learnt how Frédéric Malle’s En Passant had acted as her gateway scent to the world of niche perfumes, displacing her previous loyalty to Coco Mademoiselle. Birgit had been struck by the way En Passant “captured nature” in a way she had not encountered in mainstream perfumery. “My Coco Mademoiselle was not like that.” Following her lilac epiphany, in no time at all Birgit was reading blogs, and then before you could say: “If she's got a boyfriend, I'm a giraffe” (Sarah O’Brien, speaking of Mrs Hughes), she had started her own site, with En Passant the very first scent she reviewed.

Bonkers side note – OT, the abbreviation for Olfactorias Travels, is also the acronym for Occupational Therapy, which struck me as rather apt.

What amber is - and is not

In the next section of her talk, Birgit explained that amber is always an accord of several materials. It is inspired by the fossilised resin of that name – not by its smell, mind, for it has none - but rather, thanks to an intriguing synaesthetic pathway you might say, by its “translucency and golden colour”. Yup, I have seen those sinister lollies in Selfridges that are basically an amber coloured Fox’s Glacier Mint with a cockroach or scorpion embedded in them. I suppose they were also inspired by the fossilised resin, though not in a good way, "clearly".

The accord of several materials in question is labdanum (derived from the rock rose or cistus labdanum plant), plus vanilla and benzoin. At this point, Lila circulated an actual cistus plant, which she had gone to great lengths to procure specially for this event: it had disconcertingly sticky leaves, but no particular smell to speak of. Below is a photo of The Candy Perfume Boy, gingerly investigating said plant.

Then Birgit clarified for us what amber is NOT – the aromachemical ambroxan, for starters, which is lighter than classic amber, as exemplified by Juliette Has A Gun’s Not A Perfume. Now I don't say this "lightly", but I find Not A Perfume a bit underwhelming to be truthful (there’s a clue in the name).

Nor is amber ambergris, that fascinatingly oddball accretion of whale spit that bobs in the sea before being washed up on a beach somewhere and “harvested”. Birgit pointed out that unlike civet, say, which involves a degree of intrusion into the civet cat’s bodily orifices, the whale has basically just gobbed this stuff up. So while ambergris is technically an animal-derived ingredient, it doesn’t involve any cruelty, “having been separated from the whale for some time”. : - ) But anyway, this hawked up whale phlegm with its animalic and salty, marine notes, isn’t amber either, as I say. And finally, Birgit drew our attention to the false friend that is ambrette seed – a perfumery material that smells more musky and soft rather than like amber, and which is showcased in Ambrette No 9 by Le Labo.

The Group Sniff-In

The science bit over, we spent the rest of the talk in a group sniff-in, as Birgit guided us through a range of ambers covering every base along the spectrum from “Starter” to “Heavy”, including the amusing – and also rather heavy - category of “American Male Superheroes”. Throughout this process, Lila kindly stepped up as the indefatigable “mouillette wallah”.

Starter Ambers

That sounded like my kind of category, and so it proved!

We smelt: L’Artisan Parfumeur L’Eau d’Ambre

Also in this category: Etro Ambre, Agent Provocateur Strip (I own this), Prada L’Eau Ambrée (I should also own this), and Dior Ambre Nuit (I like this one, but not 125ml worth!)

Birgit positioned L’Eau d’Ambre as “amber for people who don’t like amber”, which may be why it appealed to me most out of everything we tried. Yes, in line with my fragrance tastes generally, my favourite ambers are also soft and understated. In addition to the ones listed above, I also love Marc Jacobs Amber Splash and Jo Malone Dark Amber & Ginger Lily, which isn’t very dark at all. Unsurprisingly, L’Eau d’Ambre was created by Jean-Claude Ellena, who, as Birgit observed with consummate understatement: “is not known for opulence”. Yes, it was on the basis of this remark that I decided to bestow upon Birgit the title of “Honorary Brit”. After all, with a bit of judicious tile shuffling, you can make “Brit” out of “Birgit”...

OLFACTORIA AND TARA

Heavy Hitters

We smelt: Annick Goutal Ambre Fétiche and Serge Lutens Ambre Sultan

Ambre Fétiche

Ambre Fétiche is one of Annick Goutal's Orientalistes collection, and as Birgit pointed out, marks a definite departure from the demure florals that are the brand’s normal style. We picked out notes of leather and incense as well as the amber, and Tanya described it as smelling like a “male temple”.

Serge Lutens Ambre Sultan

Birgit joked about how she tends to go back and forth with Serge Lutens scents, though she has been consistent in her liking of this one. Ambre Sultan started off warm, cosy, opulent and sensual, just as Birgit described. It was a bit animalic and a bit furry, like a “purring cat” (see photo of Charlie Bonkers below, snapped this morning snoozing in the sun!). There was the distinctive herbal opening I remembered, but unfortunately this became more dominant as the scent wore on, and I ended up going right off it. Ambre Sultan has a lot of fans in Perfume Land though, also in the room that night, judging by the show of hands of people who actually own a bottle!

Also in this category: Les Parfums d’Empire Ambre Russe

American Male Superheroes

We smelt: Tom Ford Amber Absolute, Armani Privé Ambre d’Orient

Tom Ford Amber Absolute

This is the pecs-rippling category of ambers, and prompted some amusing speculation as to the possible co-existence of brawn and brain. Birgit went on to describe the first scent we sampled, Amber Absolute, as a “thick, heavy, spicy specimen – like Dad’s amber – safe and protected from the big bad world”. She warned us that this scent was not great on paper, whereupon a couple of audience members leapt to their feet and volunteered their own skin, effectively acting as "male mouillettes" - see photo of Nick below.

Armani Privé Ambre Orient

The arresting licorice note in Ambre Orient appears to have completely scuppered my note-taking ability, so that is all I have to say on that one.

Also in this category: Histoires de Parfums Ambre 114

Powdery Ambers

We smelt: Mona di Orio Ambre

The Candy Perfume Boy likened this one to “baby powder for grown ups”. It certainly was a lot quieter than the scents in her original range, which includes my nemesis fragrance, Nuit Noire. Tanya made the comment about Ambre that it had “imps jumping out of it”, and you are best contacting her directly for further clarification on that. Karen detected a “coconut back note” or something like confectionery or vanilla, while there were one or two other shout-outs from the audience of violet and leather. So it sounds as though there were a lot of imps jumping out of it after all. ; - )

Also in this category: E Coudray Ambre et Vanille – I think Prada L’Eau Ambrée could also have fitted in well here.

LILA, THE CANDY PERFUME BOY, NIGEL AND LIAM, CUNNINGLY CAPTURED IN THE MIRROR

Dead Centre Ambers

We smelt: Dior Mitzah

The Dead Centre Ambers are - as their name suggests - a "smack bang in the middle" category, with no one aspect too dominant. I found Mitzah quite rich compared to Ambre Nuit, but by no means as treacly and heavy as I thought I remembered it. It had a number of facets, from herbal to incense to spices; someone spoke of "non-citrussy freshness", while I was preoccupied with another (possibly phantom) licorice note. I would place Mitzah more in the heavy hitters category personally, but I am of course speaking squarely from the viewpoint of a "starter amber" person. Nick exclaimed: “animal print!” at one point, which I will choose to take as an endorsement of my view.

Also in this category: MPG Ambre Précieux

A "WEE" PHOTO OF LIAM FROM PERSONAL ODOUR

Summer Ambers

(A couple of us thought this category was called “Surprise Ambers” – Birgit is quite softly spoken - only to learn afterwards that it was in fact “Summer Ambers”. Which was a bit of a surprise! ; - ) )

We smelt: Amouage Opus VI

Birgit described this as a “hologram” amber, because of its sheer texture and elusive, shape-shifting quality. Lila asked me for my take on this one, and while I find its herbal opening a little too masculine, I give it props for evolving in an interesting way - in other words: “stuff happens” with this one.

This marked the end of the communal sniffing, but Lila also quickly mentioned three further categories of amber which we didn’t sample.

Economical Ambers

Yves Rocher Voile d’Ambre (I swapped my bottle away, as I didn’t get on with the coumarin note), L’Occitane Amber

LOOK - AMBERS SO ECONOMICAL THEY HAVE BOTH BEEN NABBED!

80s Vintage Ambers

CK Obsession, Estée Lauder Youth Dew Amber Nude (can't say I am sorry we didn’t sniff these!)

Amber & Friends (ie amber plus another prominent note)

Caron Pour Un Homme (and its lavender friend), Armani Privé Ambre Soie (and its fruity friend), Shiloh X (and its X-rated friend?)

EXTRA POINTS TO ANYONE WHO CAN CORRECTLY PINPOINT WHERE THE CURTAIN ENDS AND BIRGIT'S RAPUNZEL TRESSES BEGIN!

Glasses refilled, the remainder of the evening was spent in relaxed milling mode, chatting to the members of our "blogger gaggle", to borrow the CPB's phrase!, to familiar faces from previous events including Karen, Tanya, Neville and Antje, as well as meeting new members such as Olivia and another fellow compatriot from Norn Iron, Liam of Personal Odour.

An unexpected highlight of the evening was catching a whiff of Lila’s sillage – an ambertastic mélange of every scent tested that night, which I am confident would be an overnight hit if we could just replicate it using headspace technology. Or head and shoulders-space technology, to be more exact.

Yes, a big thank you is due to Lila who did a blinder as ever on the organisational front, and to Birgit for coming all that way to talk us through her "Amber Fétiche" with grace, humour and an encyclopaedic knowledge of her chosen subject.

And finally, although I realise that the fossilised resin was only the inspiration for the perfumery material we know as amber, here are a couple of photos of Malbork Castle in Poland, where I unexpectedly found myself in 2007. It has a fascinating museum devoted exclusively to exhibits made of amber (see also the altar above).

For other (more informative! ; - ) ) reviews of the event, check out Tara's and Candy Perfume Boy's accounts here and here!


Photo of amber crown from sparkletanda.com, photo of pickled celeriac from offthespork.com, photo of amber altar in Malbork castle museum from culture24.org.uk, photo of amber insect candy from candywarehouse.com, photo of ambergris from mbonga.en.ec21.com, photo of L'Eau d'Ambre from fragrantica.com, photo of Malbork castle museum from zamek.malbork.pl, other photos my own