The Scent Crimes Series: No 14 - Screw it or lose it...!

Yesterday, to my great chagrin and despite a torrent of indignant mutterings, they turned on the Christmas lights in Stafford. I had already spied the unsettling presence of chocolate snowmen in W H Smiths the other day, and a potted Christmas tree in a local nursery. It may still be a long way off the festive season in my own mind, but I will concede that it is finally getting a bit colder. And so it is that I have found myself increasingly drawn lately to those fuzzy aldehydic scents that envelop you in a warm, pétillant haze. I will not liken them to a cashmere shawl**, and if any reader attempts to do so, I will 'wrap' them over the knuckles for peddling the simile equivalent of giving red roses on Valentine's Day or supporting Manchester United. ;) And I have been wearing a fuzzy jumper this weekend, as it happens, a cast off from not one but two friends in succession, who were concerned that it might contain that ethically dodgy and ultra fuzzy fibre, angora. Some deep googling revealed that the sweater was in fact a perfectly ordinary mix of wool and acrylic, but the previous owners had gone right off it anyway - tainted as it now was by their lurid visions of spiky combs and rough-handled rabbits. So I guess I lucked out...evidently one woman's supposed unethically sourced garment is another woman's woolly windfall.

And the scent that I felt would go perfectly with this cream jumper was Chanel Les Exclusifs Bois des Iles, precisely because of its cosseting cloud of sandalwood and aldehydes. I noted that I had hardly any left in my small plastic atomiser, but was unconcerned, as I knew I had a larger back up in long term storage. This morning, having finally drained the little decant, I went in search of the bigger one, only to discover that the juice had vanished, though I had no recollection of using it lately.

My thoughts instantly flew back to the days when I lived with Mr Bonkers, and how he used to drink the first glass of wine I served him remarkably quickly. We had an amusing little ritual whereby he would extend the empty glass to me in his outstretched hand as a signal that he wanted a top up. This gesture would be accompanied by a comically sad face, and a faux air of bafflement. 'Oh look', he'd remark, 'my wine must have evaporated!'

Eek!! A driftwood Christmas tree from Notonthehighstreet.com

And so it was that the sad realisation dawned on me that my beloved decant of Bois des Iles had pulled a similar evaporation stunt while my back was turned. The wood of the islands had drifted off, if you will...;( I examined the bottle closely and quickly established that the plastic collar was not very securely screwed onto the glass bottle itself, doubtless greatly facilitating the evaporation process. I don't know how it would have worked itself loose exactly - maybe by jostling against other decants in a box - but there wasn't a single drop left. I felt bereft. I could quite happily have gone on wearing Bois des Iles for another few days, especially if this cold snap kept up.

And then I spent the next hour or more systematically going through my decant collection, pulling out any other atomisers that looked as though they had also leaked their contents. (I am quite good at remembering roughly how much juice should be in there and whether I have worn a given scent recently.) I found a few more offendors, but still a happily small proportion of my decant collection. If I was Undina I would be able to tell you exactly how small, but I failed miserably on the census-taking front. Surprisingly, there were not one but two bullet-style atomisers of Séville a l'Aube that were completely empty. I suspect the first had leaked and I had filled another one thinking the first must just be faulty, only to have the same thing  happen all over again. Some bullet atomisers must not be air- / watertight, or 'dicht' to use the very versatile German word.

The other casualties were a pretty pink atomiser of Natori by Natori (there's a blast from the past!), Costume National 21, Tom Ford White Patchouli, and a glass barley twist decant of Armani Privé Rose Alexandrie. None of these had obviously loose collars as such, but evidently evaporation can occur given the smallest of 'gaps'. But a  half-screwed atomiser - as this Bois des Iles was - is clearly asking for trouble. I have now checked all the other decants for tightness, and they are as 'sealed' as that particular packaging format affords. To my mind the finger of suspicion points to the burnished metal atomisers in particular. Pretty as they look, I think the quality is quite mixed. Better off with the trusty Travalo.

Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon of unexplained evaporation - like ex-Mr Bonkers' wine glass ;) - or made the same mistake as me and left a precious decant in a semi-screwed state, with disastrous consequences?

** Note that I have historically been as guilty of the next person of using this descriptor, but I am now on a 12-step programme.

Kate Walsh Boyfriend: My New Relationship Is Cut Tragically Short, And A Stuart Crystal Atomiser Gets Shirty

In my last post I featured my new purse spray of Kate Walsh Boyfriend from Ari of Scents of Self - one of my more successful blind buys. I wrote about its comforting woody, ambery, vanilla-y vibe, and likened it to a "Lite" version of Huitième Art Myrrhiad. I wore it on Valentine's Day and on the day after, reapplying it now and again in my quest to identify the oddball licorice/liquor note I thought I detected.

On Thursday, I was planning to use it as my sleep scent, and nipped into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, the Boyfriend spray in its box in my other hand. As I turned away from the sink the purse spray suddenly fell to the ground, smashing into smithereens and scattering glassy shards for a radius of several feet. I had upended the box without noting that the top was open, and the glass vial had slid out and shattered easily on the tiled floor.

It took me a good twenty minutes to mop the viscous mess and sweep up all the tiny fragments of glass. Mr Bonkers nearly trod on one the next morning and asked if I was trying to see him off too! I was quite upset and annoyed at myself for my clumsiness, though at least my curiosity to try Boyfriend had been well and truly assuaged, and thanks to my frequent reapplications I shall probably remember how it smells for a long time to come.

The irony didn't escape me that a perfume inspired by Kate Walsh's ex-boyfriend should now bite the dust, hit the deck - and the wall, indeed - in short, become my very own fragrant Ex-Boyfriend...

But it wasn't long before my rational self reminded me that I am not exactly short of perfume, and the loss of 12ml is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of my bursting fridges.

So to cheer myself up, I did that thing I sometimes too - does anybody else do this? - I got out my decanting kit (partly in preparation for the upcoming prize draws), and fiddled with some of the more attractive and tactile items in their repurposed Ormonde Jayne bag container. This involved fighting my way through several layers of empty plastic bags and one of pipettes to reach the materials contained within. Particularly guaranteed to lift the spirits are those little coloured gauze bags you get from The Perfumed Court (and fellow swappers), which appeal to my eight year old self's love of spangly purses and all things jewel-coloured. The pink and mauve ones are a personal favourite, also those with butterfly motifs. Then I picked up and fondled some burnished metal atomisers in pleasing bullet shapes: silver and red, chocolate brown and gold.

And then, all of a sudden, I came across a Stuart crystal atomiser which I had bought years ago on Ebay, meaning to put a favourite perfume in it or possibly give it as a gift. Its cross-hatched design sparkles in the light and its chunky gold top feels pleasingly smooth and solid in your hand.

I dug deep into the presentation box and fetched out an adhesive label, bearing the following legend:

WARNING

THIS ATOMISER IS ONLY SUITABLE FOR EAU DE TOILETTE AND EAU DE COLOGNE FRAGRANCES FAILURE TO FOLLOW ABOVE WILL RESULT IN LEAKAGE FROM ATOMISER

Oh dear, I thought, that's me told then! And obviously, "failure to find label" in the first place would have resulted in a similarly leaky scenario. But the next question that crossed my mind - and the one which I would be pleased if anyone reading can help me answer - is: why only EDP? Is it something to do with its strength or density (specific gravity? I never know the correct terms here), which inclines it to leak? I naively thought leaking occurred when a seal was not watertight (or liquid-tight, in this case). Which would mean surely that one liquid would be as prone to escape as the next one, but apparently not so...

And I have read about general leakage problems with puffer atomisers, but this is the first time I have heard of a regular glass atomiser with a standard spray mechanism selectively leaking in this way. Or threatening to do so anyway.

I can't think offhand of any EDTs I like enough to dedicate this pretty bottle to, so for the moment it remains empty, uncooperative and muttering its admonitions from the dark comfort of its (dark blue) box. There's nothing on the label to say so, so I am only speculating, but it wouldn't surprise me if - were I to fill the atomiser up with perfume of any kind and drop it on the kitchen floor, that might result in "leakage from atomiser" too...