|An actual perfume sample for illustrative purposes!|
This is not the first time that I have written about medical matters on Bonkers. The other post concerned my chat with a surgeon while on the operating table having a mole removed, entitled: 'Grosjman on the gurney: perfume conversations you never thought you'd have'. Fast forward four years and I am in the throes of some other medical investigations - to date mostly in the form of blood tests and the odd scan, though the deployment of probes, cameras and an assortment of other pointy implements cannot be excluded down the line.
Last Monday I had a review of my latest blood results with the doctor, and this time I also had to bring in an...ahem...'specimen'. The request had been made over the phone a few days previously, so I was not in possession of an official receptacle, and looked around the house to see what I could improvise. It didn't take many minutes to conclude that a 5ml perfume atomiser might be the vessel of choice.
After the customary forty minute wait to see the doctor, I handed the vial over to her with a flourish. She held it aloft and examined it closely, before remarking: 'Well, in all my career that is the most unorthodox container I have ever seen someone use for the purpose!' Then she clocked the atomiser mechanism and exclaimed: 'Ooh, how handy - I can just spray straight onto the card'. Before I knew it - in this parallel universe of the consulting room - the doctor was spritzing a strip of litmus paper to perform a pH test on my specimen, for all the world like a cheery sales assistant prepping a fragrance blotter. It may have been accidental, but one end of the test strip was even bent at an angle, just like the blotters used by pro noses.
'That seems all right', she announced. 'I say, the colour reminds me of...oh, you know...'
'Chanel No 5?' I proffered helpfully.
'Yes, exactly! Or something like that. Hmm...I could play a fun trick on my colleagues with this, but I will resist the urge.'
There was a moment's pause, while she made some notes, before looking up and inquiring: 'Oh, you don't want it back, do you?'