Readers of Bonkers about Perfume will be well aware by now that when it comes to being inducted into the sensuous delights afforded by fragrance, Mr Bonkers has thus far proved to be an intractable subject. It is therefore with great pleasure that I announce that our cat Charlie appears to have discovered perfume all by herself. She is 15 and stone deaf, so there would be absolutely no point in trying to promote perfume as a concept to her, as it is pointless talking to her on any subject. Not a day goes by when reprimands about her sitting on unauthorised surfaces (beds, conservatory furniture etc) literally fall on deaf ears.
But no, as luck would have it, Charlie chanced upon perfume on her own. The "tricks teaching" reference in the title was (as ever) just too good to resist. Yes, Charlie has taken to sleeping by the perfume fridge a lot lately, unfazed of course by its intermittent whirr. She regularly blocks me from opening the door of the fridge to take out a bottle to wear, and after entering the bedroom repeatedly to see if she has moved, I invariably end up pushing her out of the way to get at any of the contents. This persistent sitting by the door is a variant on that well known cat ruse of "sitting on important papers" or "half slumping across the computer keyboard", classic attention-seeking gestures to which all cat owners will attest.
Then on Sunday I went into the bedroom as usual and captured the following poses:
1) "So what is this cuboid thing the 'big cat' in the house seems so interested in? She's always taking bottles out and spraying them on herself. It's a bit like the squirty cream she very occasionally treats me to. Hmm, if there is any chance cream could be involved, maybe I should take a closer look..."
2) "Okay, now which one of these receptacles looks most like that Anchor aerosol thingy?"
(Answer - my Kenzo Power miniature, but unfortunately its contours were masked by the box.)
3) "Aha! This one smells of grass, which I like to eat! (It's all I seem to be able to hunt these days.)"
Yes, picture 3 is of Charlie sniffing the rather random place she applied vintage Blue Grass. I did have a series of shots of her prising the door open, removing the bottle from its 'dog-eared' box and spraying the perfume on her hindquarters, but sadly the quality was a bit fuzzy (she didn't half move fast!), so they didn't make the cut...
And I bet you are wondering why she didn't make a beeline for her namesake perfume, Charlie? Well, through an unfortunate oversight I don't actually have any, but if the cat really is developing a genuine interest in perfume, it is the least I could do to nip down Boots and get her her own bottle.
Photo of Charlie (the perfume) from namebrandsperfume.com