The Lidl effect: Woman Suddenly falls for Chanel No 5 again - and doffs bed socks

The time has come to mention the unconventional boyfriend again, the one who described my eyes - most imaginatively I thought - as the colour of 'foetid puddles', and my legs as 'serviceable'. It was 30 years ago, but I still remember a few salient facts about our relationship. The eight year age gap meant that when I popped a Sade cassette into his car stereo on a long drive north, he inquired brightly: 'Is that Wham?' And after I had my wisdom teeth out, my face was so beaten up that he walked right through the ward without recognising me and out of the hospital again, assuming he had got the wrong one. He also broke into my mother's house once, and left a bottle of port on her kitchen table to thank her for visiting him in hospital. Well, I use the term 'broke' loosely - my mum had accidentally left a window open, apparently. And he gave me some good presents in the course of our four year relationship: a little wooden trinket box, a Barbour jacket, and a copy of the controversial book 'Queer' by William Burroughs. On the flyleaf was this facetious inscription:

'Some in-flight reading. I chose it in 5 minutes. One glance says "this book cannot possibly be dull". And so I hope it proves. In any case, reactions of fellow passengers will offer a secondary source of entertainment.'

Oh, and most importantly he also gave me Chanel No 5. I sense it may have been as snappy a purchase as the book, but it was only the second bottle of perfume I had ever been given, and I was very excited to receive it - to my twenty-something self it seemed the last word in luxury and glamour. I remember the bottle as a sleek, black rectangular column like the one in the photo below, but have no idea if that marks it out as the edt or edp. I wore No 5 happily on nights out, but only as a 'civilian', to reprise Tara's great word for a regular member of the perfume-wearing public, in her comment on my Suddenly Woman 1 post. I don't know whether I finished the bottle or what happened to it, but my interest in this iconic fragrance quietly lapsed, such that when I was smitten by perfume mania seven years ago, my attitude to No 5 was regrettably cavalier - very much one of 'Been there, sniffed that'. Until Lidl came along and launched a smell-alike, that is...

Source: eBay

But before elaborating on the effect of Suddenly Woman 1 on my current perfume-wearing MO and beyond, I thought it might be interesting to do a quick summary of my takes on the previous launches, going right back to 2009:

SUDDENLY FLEURS - I only vaguely remember this - as a sweetish floral that didn't particularly remind me of any other mainstream perfumes on the market. Maybe Lidl hadn't got its act into gear at this point and it wasn't a deliberate dupe of anything. If anyone remembers Suddenly Fleurs and has an idea of what it might be imitating, do let us know in the comments.

SUDDENLY D'OR - a very decent copy of Ghost Luminous, not that I am a mad fan of the Ghost range generally.

SUDDENLY MADAME GLAMOUR - a superb copy of Coco Mademoiselle. I wouldn't bother with the real thing, although I can tell the difference - the Chanel does have more depth - and more patchouli. Suddenly Madame Glamour is sufficient for me, should I ever wish to scratch a Coco Mademoiselle itch. I probably won't though, as it is so darn ubiquitous these days. I would guess Coco Madeomoiselle has overtaken No 5 itself in popularity by now, amongst all age groups too. Certainly on a 'whiffs caught in passing basis', if not in sales terms necessarily.

SUDDENLY DIAMONDS - another very close copy, of BOSS Orange this time, though as with Suddenly d'Or above, I am not a fan of the original, so wouldn't buy either.

SUDDENLY WOMAN 1 - the least similar copy to date imho - of Chanel No 5. For the very first time, the Lidl version has made me want to own actual Chanel No 5(!), and indeed I have now inherited a nearly used bottle from my friend Clare, and also invested in a 3 ml roll on-on Ebay for the princely sum of £6.99.

Coincidentally, the other day I saw an article that explained how people sleep better with fewer bed- and night-clothes on - something to do with optimum core temperatures versus that of your extremities. The article recommended sleeping naked if at all possible, or at the very least swapping bed socks for a hot water bottle, as the latter can be kicked away if you get overheated. The timing of this piece with my Suddenly Woman 1 and No 5 trials seems most fortuitous - indeed the post even mentions that well-known titbit about how Marilyn Monroe was reputed to go to bed in the nude, save for a comforting cloud of Chanel No 5.

We are in the middle of a cold snap here in Britain, so I don't think I could possibly countenance sleeping in the buff. But now that I have re-bonded so unexpectedly with this famous fragrance, I will seriously consider wearing a nocturnal spritz and losing my bed socks, especially if they go the way of the last pair any time soon...

Mistaking scents for store cupboard staples

Wedding scent and wedding favour ~ Source: Sue Morley

CONTENT ADVISORY - This post plumbs new depths of tangentially scent-related trivia - no bathroom pun intended. ;)  And that should perhaps be 'shallows'?

I am afraid my posting rhythm on Bonkers has been a bit disrupted of late - partly by a phase of 'extreme research' into bathroom fixtures and fittings, as I embark on the next major home improvement project. My ongoing visits to bathroom showrooms even spawned a blog post, but the unbridled silliness that follows here is nothing to do with my current preoccupation with sanitaryware, but rather with an amusing status update I spotted on Facebook.  In it my cousin's wife, who recently celebrated the wedding of her daughter in Canada (the location is significant) writes:

"One day soon, I will inevitably spray myself with maple syrup and pour Chanel No 5 on my pancakes."

Sue's jokey post struck a chord with me, and I idly started to rummage in my own pantry for inspiration.  It took a matter of mere moments to assemble a collection of store cupboard staples which could readily be confused with fragrances - based mainly on bottle shape in my own case, but sometimes also on the colour of their contents.

I kicked off with this bottle of extra extra virgin cat's pyjamas organic bio olive oil featured in my recent post from Berlin.  It is rather reminiscent of Givenchy Pi, don't you think? - just lose the bizarre top and slightly tweak the trapezoid angle - why, it even has Greek letters on it to boot!  Then before I knew it I was on a roll...

Source: douglas.de

Bottles of olive oil - or the ones in my cupboard, certainly - seem to come in particularly kindred shapes to perfume, as evidenced by this one, which - through half closed eyes at least - is a dead ringer for the Bois 1920 range.  Oh, okay, it really needs broader shoulders, I can see that:

Source: fragrantica

And then there is that good old accompaniment to fish and chips, Sarson's malt vinegar, doing a pretty decent imitation of J-Lo's Glow and its various flaming flankers...

Source: fragrancex.com

Hmm, what about the staple food of my house plants, Baby Bio, giving those ornate Ajne bottles a run for their money...

And finally, I feel sure there is a perfume bottle opposite number for this sweet chilli dipping sauce, but it eludes me for the moment.  If you have an idea about that, or can think of any other frivolous pantry and perfume bottle pairings, do let me know in the comments.  I also had a tall bottle of Styrian pumpkin oil that was a near miss for Profumi del Forte, but the neck shaping was quite a bit off.  I mention this just in case anyone was thinking of giving me a present of fancy cooking oil in the near future.  I think I am luxuriously well catered for in that department thanks, as I have two more bottles besides those (albeit with unremarkable contours). But for the record more gin would always go down well... ;)

Oh, and if anyone has any remaining appetite for things beyond the kitchen that are also shaped like perfume bottles there's a round up of other oddities here.

'Perfumista protégé' progress reports: No 1 - Sheila, English teacher turned artist

'Listening to the plants grow' - Sheila's painting of 'a sybaritic bathroom' 

During the past six years since I 'got perfume', my passion for the subject has spilled over into a kind of missionary zeal, prompting me to gently steer friends, family and neighbours in the direction of a wider selection of perfumes than they had previously tried or considered.  In some cases I have even managed to convert non-wearers of fragrance to wearing it at all!  I have been plying away at my campaign of perfume proselytising for a good while now, and decided that enough time had elapsed to take stock of how some of my 'protégés' were faring, and how their perfume repertoire - and attitude towards fragance - had changed under my influence.

So I sent a bunch of these people the same three questions about their own 'perfume j***neys', and here is the first response from Sheila (preceded by a bit of background on the origins of our friendship):


SHEILA

Sheila was my English teacher when I was in the sixth form studying for A-Levels. When she joined the school as a newly qualified member of staff she was only 21 herself, which sounds so very young now, though she seemed perfectly grown up to my 16 year old self!  She was an inspirational teacher and the epitome of 70s style and cool - arguably a contradiction in terms in this, the heyday of Noel Edmonds, Supertramp and unfeasibly tall platfom shoes.  Sheila opted for a more toned down interpretation of the fashion of the times, however, including swingy corduroy pinafore dresses in sludgy shades of blue and grey, teamed with suede wedges and a selection of long silky scarves.  Although I was pretty tuned out to perfume at that age, I do remember catching an occasional whiff of her signature scent, Elizabeth Arden Blue Grass. One night a few years back while watching footage of an old Queen concert from 1975, I was overcome by an impulse to connect with my youth and made this purchase of a vintage bottle from around that time (full story here)!

Anyway, I kept in touch with Sheila down the years: I knitted her oldest son a tortoise (complete with properly frilly shell and jaunty mob cap!), and my never-to-be-repeated attempt at baby sitting her middle son gets a mention here.  Sheila has recently retired from teaching and is pursuing art in her free time, producing some quirky and ethereal mixed media paintings, some of which she also sells in greeting card form. She has also taken a lively interest in my perfume hobby - to the point where, during a visit a couple of summers ago, I handed over a bunch of samples I had picked out for her to try, in a bid to identify fragrance styles towards which she had a leaning.  Sheila soon got stuck in, systematically sampling each and making notes on her impressions, which is how it all started...

So without further ado, here are her answers to my three questions:

My perfume collection before  

"I love catching the whiff of a good perfume in someone else’s wake, so I have always owned a bottle - but it was something to use mainly on special occasions. So my ‘collection’ typically comprised one bottle that took up to a year to finish. I was using Calvin Klein ‘Eternity’ for a few years and then Estee Lauder’s ‘Pleasures’. The tendency to stick with what I knew was compounded by my sons checking what I was using and then duplicating it for Christmas and birthday presents. It hadn’t occurred to me to own more than one scent."

What do I own now?

"I now have a proper collection which appeals to me visually as well as for its potential for creating a tiny moment of pleasure to start each day selecting what to wear. I have Narciso Rodriguez ‘For Her’ – a particular favourite, Hermes ‘Vetiver Tonka’ which I like for evenings or special day occasions, White Company ‘Noir’, Penhaligon’s ‘Quercus’, Jo Malone ‘Pomegranate Noir’, Agent Provocateur ‘Eau Eursticielle’ (? Can’t read this on the bottle…)**, Guerlain ‘Vetiver’ in a beautiful vintage tiny green box, Lidl’s ‘Suddenly Madame Glamour’ – which I love even for its name as it does add a sudden whiff of glamour, but I would also like to get Coco Mademoiselle which inspired this copy."

Source: gammaparfum.ru

How have my feelings about fragrance changed?

"As I listed the current perfumes in my collection, I realised that I now have a much more subtle interpretation of scents since you first enticed me by spreading a number of little vials on my kitchen table and encouraging me to try to identify the notes which appealed to me. I must say I am attracted to the actual little bottles and the alchemy of capturing a smell in them. I now regard perfume as something that can be worn every day if done with care.

As I got more interested in scent I realised I like being in shops which are a nice smell – such as The White Company, which always smells as though it has just come out of the wash, and Noa Noa in Brighton which uses a Neal’s Yard ‘Women’s Balance’ oil burner. So I suppose my view of perfume has shifted from something of a luxury reserved for special occasions, to something which can be a little bit life-enhancing on an everyday basis. In shopping terms, just as I would never just casually buy books at the airport to read on holiday, now I don’t view perfume as just for birthday and Christmas presents. 

I expect that has something to do with how the perception and marketing of perfume has changed generally, and not just to a change in my thinking. My mother, when she died in 1982, left a full bottle of Chanel No 5. I cherished it – for years – never opening it, as I knew that she would not have used it except for very special occasions and so I didn’t want to ‘waste’ it. When I finally opened it after many years, I decided – probably quite wrongly – that it had gone off, and threw it out! The experience has served as a metaphor for me ever since."

Source: eBay

'Perfume is for life, not just for Christmas', as the bumper sticker goes - that is such good advice, especially to those of us who are sitting on crazy big collections.  Or 'use it or lose it' might be another one, even if we will never know if Sheila's mother's bottle was off, or just in the process of aging gracefully, much like Catherine Deneuve, the face of No 5 advertising of...coincidentally...1975. ;)

Source: eBay

PS If you would like to see more of Sheila's work, visit her Flickr site here:

** Editor's note: am betting this will be AP Eau Emotionnelle. ;)

Playing Siri Games - My Not-So-Smartphone's Sorry Attempts To "Talk Perfume"

The other day I was using Siri (the voice recognition system on the later generations of Apple iPhones) to write an email, in which I was talking about a friend's love of Gorilla Lust perfume.

"I enjoyed whiffs of indolic sillage" I dictated, taking care to enunciate clearly, as Siri works best if you speak as though you are in an elocution lesson. If you mumble, it won't have a hope in hell.

Despite my efforts to speak clearly, Siri rendered this sentence as:

"with supervision Daleks village"

...which prompted me to laugh out loud, even if it did nothing to get the email done.

So today for a laugh, I decided to speak the names of some iconic perfumes into Siri and see what it made of them...To this end I fetched up a Daily Mail article entitled "The 20 Best Ever Perfumes", to randomise the exercise basically, so no one could say that I deliberately picked tricky names that Siri would be predisposed to massacre. That said, as you will see below, Siri doesn't do too well with anything perfume-related. I think it may well be because Siri doesn't speak any French whatsoever, and some of the most classic fragrances and their houses are of course from France.

But anyway, here goes - these are the undoctored results - and I promise I wasn't mumbling.

CHANEL NO 5

"SHM.HA Shimano closed at 48.98 euros 14 Nov 2012 down 9.88 euros or 16.79%"

Does Siri mean the manufacturer of cycle gears?

SHALIMAR BY GUERLAIN

"I don't know what you mean by 'Shalimar by Geller'. How about a web search for it?"

So I hit the button "search the web"... and the top result on Google was:

"17 year old Equitation - The Capital Challenge Horse Show", in which a horse called "Ellie de Shalimar" appeared to have entered.


L'AIR DU TEMPS BY NINA RICCI

"I don't understand 'Leading Trump I nearly', but I could search the web for it."

This search led to a couple of contrasting results, one featuring a gambit in card games - "Leading Trump in Defense" - and one to do with Donald Trump!

JOY BY JEAN PATOU

"Sorry, I can only look for businesses in the United States, and when you're using US English."


POISON BY CHRISTIAN DIOR

"I don't know what you mean by 'Waiting Bagleys'. How about a web search for it?"

The web search brought up the website of Bagley's Poplar Ridge Vineyard.

EAU DYNAMISANTE BY CLARINS

"Sorry, I couldn't find 'Codeine in me' in your music."

Oops, what would Clarins make of that?? : - )


J'ADORE BY CHRISTIAN DIOR

"Schedule by Christine Dall. When is your event?"


I could go on, but I think you get the idea...

So to anyone reading and in possession of a Siri-enabled (I use the term loosely) iPhone, I would LOVE to hear your best - as in worst, and funniest - results using Siri to speak the names of your favourite perfumes. Or any perfumes indeed, of whose names you think it might have even half a chance of making a decent fist.

Oh, I should just try Patou's Sira des Indes, shouldn't I? Siri might just take it for a relation.

Nope - but close..."SIRI DAYS AND". This time I skipped the web search...


Photo of Siri logo from zdnet.com, photo of dalek from Wikimedia Commons via Peter Trimming, photo of Donald Trump and Shimano gears from Wikipedia, photo of Bagley's Vineyard from rburks.com

It Never Raineys But It Pours! Bonkers Is In The Daily Telegraph Again!

At the end of September I was interviewed over the phone by a features writer at The Daily Telegraph, Harry Wallop, about my views on discount chain Lidl's latest perfume release, X-Bolt for men. A couple of quotes from me were used in his article on the Hugo Boss smell-alike.

To my great surprise, a colleague of Harry Wallop's at the paper, Sarah Rainey, rang me the other day to quiz me - on the spot again! - about my views on celebrity-endorsed perfumes in all their manifestations, to feed into her upcoming feature on the subject.

Well, it appeared in yesterday's edition of The Daily Telegraph, and also includes quotes from Nick Gilbert, Manager of Les Senteurs' Seymour Place store, who is known to many of us, and has a wealth of expertise about fragrance as well as being an all-round good egg.

Here is the link:

The Sweet Smell Of Celebs

There are two soundbytes from me as before, about half way down. The article also mentions the current Chanel No 5 campaign featuring Brad Pitt and the one for Hugo Boss Nuit de Femme fronted by Gwyneth Paltrow, but didn't include my thoughts on those - perhaps for the best... ; - )

But here they are anyway - from an email I sent by way of a PS after my phone chat with Sarah - or should I call her "Rainey" by analogy with "Musson"? : - )

"I have to say that Brad looks like he has just got out of bed, and though Marilyn Monroe was famously said to have worn No 5 to bed, personally I don't think it is an elegant look for the brand. No 5 to me is more Catherine Deneuve in a French pleat than a rumpled Brad in a goatee. Maybe he should just borrow the wife's Bvlgari Black instead......And then you have Gwyneth Paltrow, who - along with three other high profile women - featured on the Estee Lauder Sensuous ads, which were very effective, I thought, in a clean-but-sexy-white-shirt-kind-of-a-way. At the moment Gwyneth is the face of Hugo Boss Nuit Pour Femme, but in the poster ad at least I think her smile strikes me as a little tentative - see what you think. She doesn't appear to be doing that Tyra Banks 'smiling with her eyes' thing. Maybe she is worried that there will be another Lidl me-too along shortly... ;-)"

Hmm, come to think of it, Brad's not really "smizing" in that shot of him either, which I'd have thought was inevitable for the money they're paying him... ; - )


Photo of Hugo Boss campaign from Vogue website, photo of Brad Pitt and Britney Spears from The Daily Telegraph

Bonkers Is A Bit Behind - And Off To London (Again!)

I fully intended to write up my Berlin sniffing sortie (such as it was!) this evening, but got rather overtaken by events and a bit of a bad head. On balance, I would rather give that post my best attention on my return from another flying visit to London tomorrow, and spend the evening instead with a wet flannel and a couple of episodes of Desperate Housewives... An early night is probably also indicated. I don't seem to be managing any of these lately, but rather have been persisting in my attempts to be an American, which can only end - if not in tears necessarily - in chronic exhaustion at the very least.

But I will be back in a couple of days, and meanwhile here are a couple of pics of my latest perfume-themed garment (bringing the total to three now!). This one is the blingiest by a long chalk, though I like to think it redeems itself with the subdued taupe background and intriguing batwing sleeves. I wore this sweater on my recent sniffing outing with Hazel and Anna in Edinburgh, and neither of them appeared to be visibly fazed - or dazed - by its glittering central panel. The ensembles both my companions were sporting were of course also on the colourful side, but for sheer razzle dazzle, my jumper was in a class (I use the term advisedly) of its own.

Ida Delam Le 6 - The Dirty Half Dozen

Ida is not a common name. When I was a kid, I knew a farmer's wife in Co Down called Ida Thompson, and in perfume circles there is of course Cafleurebon's Senior Editor, Ida Meister (known to many by her screen name, Chayaruchama). But those were the only two Idas I had come across, if we exclude the Hindu goddess, and sundry sacred mountains in Greece and Turkey.

Until, that is, lovethescents sent me a sample of Ida Delam Le 6 as an extra in a swap. This third Ida is the founder of a spa called Le Six, located (quite properly) in the 6e arrondissement of Paris. She has a quirky, primitive logo, that looks rather like a sixth eye, and one of those irritating animated websites with an arthouse film intro, on which you click furiously in a futile attempt to skip it. I never did manage to bring up the perfume page, but I doubt I am missing much, for the website seems heavy on mood creation and light on information.

Of more interest perhaps is this video, which gives us a bit of a clue about the intended positioning of the scent. Extra bonus points for anyone who can identify the precise game involved. Not roulette, rummy or fruit machines is all I could say with confidence. Check it out HERE.

What I take from the video is that the wearer of Le 6 perfume is a risk taker: she gambles, she wears a top hat, despite the very real risk of being mistaken for a bunny girl, and she walks home alone late at night. She also appears to throw her winnings away (assuming those are chips and not a useless jigsaw with some pieces missing). This suggests a complete detachment to material wealth or a supreme confidence in her ability to win her discarded winnings back again. My money's on the latter.

Okay, so.... based on the video do you feel an affinity with this top hatted totty target wearer? Please all form an orderly queue, while I dredge up any other sketchy info on Ida Delam Le 6...

According to The Scented Salamander, who seems to be one of the very few perfume blogs to have featured this scent, Le 6 was inspired by "the personal fantasy of the soul of Gabrielle Chanel having crossed Delam's path one day". Pardon? I don't know about you, but bumping into Coco Chanel is not high on the list of my fantasies... I am not even terribly bothered about meeting Keira Knightley.

And as for the scent itself, it is apparently a "a wink at or homage to" Chanel No 5. So what we have here basically is a self-possessed, A-type gambling bunny girl with classic perfume tastes. Personally I am not convinced that the girl in the video would aspire to wear a perfume as iconic yet conventional as No 5. I see her more in the likes of Armani Code - something she would perceive as mysterious and slutty based on the TV ads - but which the perfume community (or me, anyway!) might dismiss as just another cheap, synthetic take on orange blossom.

Having sampled Ida Delam Le 6 on 3-4 occasions, I can't say that I see much of a resemblance to No 5 - and the notes are very different too, so as winks go, I'd say it's more of a barely perceptible twitch:

Top: almond, star aniseed, aldehyde
Heart notes: absolute of myrrh, iris, violet
Base: musk, vanilla, white amber

Notewise, I see more of a resemblance between this and Creed Love in Black:
Greek wildflowers, violet, Virginia cedar, iris, clove, tonkin musk, blackcurrant, rose

Both fragrances have iris, violet and musk, and - crucially - both have an unpleasant opening. In the case of Love in Black, this has been described in reviews as a "tarry note", which I'd go along with. The opening of Le 6 is more like a musty violet-scented patchouli, even though I see no patchouli listed. But "dirty" or "musty" is the overriding impression. Fortunately, both scents get appreciably better as they develop, but I can't help wondering why perfumers make scents that get off to such a disagreeable start - if indeed they do so by choice. Is it a non-negotiable characteristic of iris (known for its rootiness, which for all I know may be the half-sibling of mustiness)? Ah, but not all iris scents have a nasty opening, so it cannot be iris per se, though iris and violet together may be unhappy bedfellows, or at least until they have got into their stride...

Thinking about it, there are quite a few other perfumes I like a lot, except for their musty and/or medicinal top notes eg Strange Invisible Perfumes Magazine Street, Damien Bash Lucifer #3 and Parfumerie Générale L'Ombre Fauve. Why can't the perfumers sort out the openings of those otherwise great scents? After all, you wouldn't invite guests to a dinner party and line them up against a wall and whip them savagely, before offering round the sherry and the salted nuts as if nothing had happened? Well, not at any normal kind of dinner party, you wouldn't. Does the perfumer think we will appreciate the rest of his/her creation disproportionately if the top notes are downright horrid - ie the olfactory equivalent of beating your head against a brick wall - because "it's so nice when you stop". That remains my working theory until I learn otherwise.

And certainly the latter stages of Le 6 are very enjoyable - a soft, musky, iris-violet accord, warmed by a hint of amber in the base: rich without being heavy or cloying, and neither noticeably powdery nor sweet.

Ida Delam Le 6 isn't strange enough to warrant inclusion in the "Weird Waft Series", but it IS "difficult" and involves "work". And as with my day job, sometimes I am in the mood for grafting, while at other times I fantasise about winning the lottery. And just occasionally I have even bought a ticket, which is a bit of a prerequisite, I suppose. Hmmm...next time there's a rollover, I really should try the top hat too...


Photo of Ida Delam Le 6 from the company's website, photo of Ida Delam from insolitissimo, cartoon of bunny girl from vi.sualize.us, photo of an iris from dreamstime, photo of floral wallpaper from flavorleague